This is why I'm stressed.

If the plane goes down...

I'm kinda freaking out.

This seems to happen a lot lately.

Lord, please give me strength.

The Longer I Lay Here

You're up with the sunrise
and down when the work's been done
with excellence, industry,
diligence-- naturally.

I would like to be you
just for a few habit forming years;
laziness cuts me like fine cutlery.

I need a miracle; someone to help me help myself.

Sweet Jesus I need you
forgive me this sin;
not hookers or heroin, gambling or gin.
It sounds so ridiculous but I just can't lick this;

I need a miracle. Someone to help me help myself.

Ewe is not fat. Ewe is fluffy.

I figure I might as well cement this whole 'fat ragamuffin challenge' thing with this:


My goal: 133 by Halloween. Can Alyssa do it?

Let it Rain!

Welcome to my world every Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 7:45 AM. After I drag my lazy butt out of bed, I get coffee (on which, I swear I will go broke soon. 1.25 dollars a day adds up. O_O)And then study profusely for my class at 8:30. Typically this makes my Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays horrible. But today was awesome...


Oh Gosh! It's overcast! And Chilly! Praise the Lord!
Nothing quite puts me in a good mood like random raindrops hitting my face as I walk to class. Especially when I have hot coffee and a reasonable dose of confidence.

Ink! But not seriously.

Now you know what I do while I'm in class.

It's amazing how people react when they find out that I've gotten a tattoo. The most common reaction is, 'is that real?!' Some people even go so far as to clarify that it's permanent. "Yes, It's a real tattoo. Yes, it's permanent. No, it's not coming off -__-". Everyone so far has thought it's pretty cool. Aside from someone misreading it that one time, no one has reacted negatively (not including, of course, my mother).

The reason this is on my mind is that I've been fighting the impulse to get another one. If I had the money, I'd be inked even more. Even without it, it's taking a lot of self-control to not apply for a credit card just to get one. >_<

I'm procrastinating. I wanted to do this really deep blog today, but I fail. I just don't want to do any reading.

It's Greek to me...

Ok, lame title, I know.

This semester I'm taking what appears to be the hardest class of my entire life. Not because the information is hard, not because I have to belong in the 200 club to understand the content at all--no, it's because my brain does not retain the information the way it is presented.

According to my professor, the easiest way to learn greek is through song.
' According to me, the easiest way to at all remember the information that I'm going to be quizzed on is by diligent memorization without song. Why? Because as soon as I sit down to take the quiz, the song flies out of my head, and I have nothing but my visual memory to help me.
Thusly, I've done horribly in this class so far because I've trusted what the professor has said.

In addition to this, I find that most of my work this semester is not tangible. It's all about reading, reading, reading.... I find it hard to read. Why read when I could be doing some actual work for a different class? So, I've decided to set up a schedule (HA, I wonder if this is going to work at all...). Every night before bed, when I'm typically on the computer/phone/ or watching tv, I shall instead be reading. So there.

Wish me luck.

Oh Disneyland!

Yesterday was an interesting day. I spent the majority of the first half of the day stressed over homework, letters I have to write, scholarships, and the possibility, no--the reality that I may not be returning to Biola next semester. Needless to say, it seemed like a bad day.

On top of all of this, I had to deal with the added stress of dealing with my family visiting for dinner, which was very fun, admittedly, but reinforced everything that I was already stressed about. After I got back, I valiantly attempted to do the work that I needed to do, and..failed.

So, around 8 or so, life started looking up. Liz and I were on our way to Disneyland to watch the fireworks, when Liz got a call from our previous suite mate, Chelsea. She had fabulous news. A very good friend of ours, Renee, might be returning to Biola after taking a year off, and on top of that, she's trying to talk her mother into buying a house in La Mirada so that we can all live together less expensively. This was amazing news.

Amazing!

So, with high hopes for the following year, we got to Disneyland and discovered that the fireworks don't happen on Sundays. But this didn't dampen our spirits. So, we went on Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean, Splash Mountain, and Space Mountain. And we watched at least half of Fantasmic (which I have never seen). All of this happened in no more than two hours. TWO HOURS!

Yesterday was a good day.

On the other hand, as an update on my fat ragamuffin challenge whateverness, I've consistently been gaining weight for a week or two now, so I need to get back on my game. My previous weight loss of 15 lbs has turned into 10, and since I'm aiming for like.. 30, this is obviously not good.
oh well, I'll keep you posted.

The End.

The End.

What? Where am I?

…I can’t remember.

How long have I been here?

I’m not sure. It feels like I just woke up. But I might have been here for hours. Days. I can’t tell.

What? Where am I?

I still don’t know. But that moment is gone, it never happened.

How long have I been here?

Not long. I just woke up. I think…maybe I’ve been here for longer than that…

What? Where am I?

I’ve asked this question before. I know I have. But I haven’t. This is my first time asking it.

Time isn’t moving.

I’m living in a single moment. It repeats. That’s why I have to ask again—

What? Where am I?

But as soon as the words leave my lips, the moment is starting over again. There isn’t enough time for someone to answer.

How long have I been here?

Not long; but longer than I think. Something is happening. My mind is working outside of time.

I feel trapped. I’m stuck to the floor, on my side. I might be drooling. I hope not. Saliva is disgusting. I can’t move, even though I try. All I can see is reality failing me.

Time is repeating.

What? Where am I?

I was here before. Before this happened. I did something. I can remember that. I hit something, touched something, decided something.

In a flash, I realize exactly what’s happening to me.

What? Where am I?

It ended—my life ended. I’m dead, and in my last moment on Earth, I failed.

I failed.

What? Where am I?

God doesn’t love me anymore.

How long have I been here?

It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been here. I will always be here. Outside of God’s love.

What? Are you serious?

Perfectly serious. I failed. I pushed the limits of God’s grace. I made the final mistake. I died. I’m in hell. There is no fire, no brimstone. Just the absence of His love. I couldn’t imagine a worse hell if I tried.

What? Where am I?

I need to stop asking that. I know where I am. I know why I’m here. But I’m hoping I’m wrong. There just isn’t enough time to know. As soon as I ask, the moment begins again, and I have to ask again. But no one is answering.

This feels like a nightmare, but I know it’s not. It’s worse than a nightmare. I can feel time repeating, I know my life has ended. Game over. You fail.

I didn’t do anything with my life.

What? Where am I?

It can’t be over. My life was pointless. I was supposed to do something.

God stopped loving me.

What?

I was supposed to do something for Him. I can’t remember…

Where am I?

I’m in hell.

I’m in hell.

I’m in hell.

What? Where am I?

Are you serious?

My life can’t be over. I still love you, God. Lord. I’m sorry.

Didn’t they always teach me that Your love is unconditional?

What? Where am I?

How long have I been here?

A long time. I’ve been here a long time. It feels like just a moment has passed, but that’s because I’m stuck. I’ve only lived one moment, and I will always live that moment.

I did something wrong.

I sinned.

Game over.

The End.

Goodbye, life.

I was supposed to do something.

What? Where am I?

I didn’t do anything.

Nothing good.

Are you serious?

No. I remember. I didn’t touch anything. It’s not game over.

It can’t be.

Right?

It’s not. God still loves me.

What? Where am I? How long have I been here? Who are you?

I’m not in hell.

The moment is getting longer. I can feel it. God is giving me a second chance.

It’s letting me go. This place. God loves me again. I made a mistake. It’s ok.

He still loves me.

What?

Where am I?

How long have I been here?

…

Now what do I do?